How I am Feeling

About a few weeks ago I ended a situation with a guy I thought was the one for at least for now. I fell in love with this man over 3 maybe 4 years ago, and when it ended when I moved away. But I aways had a hope that if we ever got back together it would be the real thing this time. That I wouldn't be there just for sex but because he wanted to be with me because he wanted to take me out, spend time with me show me off. Introduce me to his friends and family, I kind of figured it wouldn't happen until I was in my 30's or 40's. But I guess I was wrong two years after the last time we had seen each other I get a message on facebook of him. Wanting know how I am doing, I tried my best not to think that this is it that he wanted to be with me this time. But I couldn't help myself after I saw him in person and after that I was past cloud 9, I was flying high into outer space. I thought I was in love with this man I couldn't stop talking about him, thinking about him, Dreaming about him. He had taken over my mind I was like a Terrill zombie. I went from being a woman that loved the look of any man with a six pack, big muscles, great smile & a sexy skin tone. To a women that looked at other men as not Terrill as just other dudes on the planet earth. Every time I was away from him I couldn't help but fantasize about him and how it would be the next time I saw him. But the next time wasn't what I thought it would be, the next time turned into the last time. We had made plans to spend the weekend together and because I wanted to spend more time with him I went down on Thursday with a hope of an amazing weekend better then the one we had when he come to see me on my birthday weekend a few years ago. But I was highly disappointed. The guy that I remembered kissing me as soon as I walked in the door, was a man that really couldn't be bothered with me. A man that man made me feel safe welcomed & at home every time I saw him or spent time with him, to a man that made me feel on this last and final trip to spend time to visit him like a burden. I know he didn't know that he did that but he did, & I wish that I had just picked up my stuff and left early that Saturday while he slept like I planned he might not have even noticed that I was gone. Right now I feel like I was used for my body and nothing else. I made a plan after I broke it off that I would be sad over him for just 24 hrs., but I think I have been sad for a while. I don't know why, I am very mad at him for using me. I thought that I was someone of real Important to him. But right now I have to be someone of real important to myself. I think I will spend the next year or couple of years doing getting to know a really get person, Sasha Brandalyn Bunn before I start into another Romantic Situation. I am going to start chanting for him to leave my mind, my thoughts, and my dreams. Maybe then I can stop Hiding or maybe I'm hiding from my unemployment either way I need to stop hiding. I need some serious me time I think I will take a trip to somewhere I have never been all by myself to help me get my mind together. What would you do if you where me?